From the Heart

So this is something new for me. I’m not much for inner expressive writings. I was inspired on my way home this evening to think about my heart. Although, my former lovers and close confidants may attest that I do not have much heart. This stands to reason. I have a lot of anger, a lot of passion, plenty of experience, intelligence, and talent. Oh vanity. These things I can say freely can be tested and illustrate a degree of who I am. I rarely am counted among the great hearts of my peers. I’ve been called a cynic, a raw wit, all more likely than being considered a man of heart.
Let me address my heart.
I’ve never been in love. I would probably not reject it. I just have never been cut just right for it. I remember a friend of mine had given me a ride home from work when I was fifteen. She asked me what I planned on doing with my life, I made the usual undeveloped response about changing the world then I put on a cynical smile. I told her, maybe I would fall in love get married move to some nice coast and live in a big house with a pretty wife and a dog. My friend laughed. She told me that she could never imagine me like that. At fifteen people already considered me a mutant inadequately manufactured for the normal life.
So at one point I tried to discover love. I figured it could possibly be flexible enough to even fit my inverted spectra. I didn’t find it. What do I think about love? It is only the most important and beautiful thing in the world. It forms bonds, and makes people happy. Love builds great monuments, and it destroys cities. Love is the most powerful force on the planet. Love is madness, it is also reason.
I personally think it is too big for me. I have other more pressing concerns than love and happiness, and ironically this doesn’t violate my new vow to engage the world in a more positive polemic. I want to change the world. I want the poor to have a fair chance, I want the hungry to have food, and I want the sick to have comfort. I think I have found a better way to occupy that empty place. My search for love leads me to revolt. I revolt against pain, suffering, anguish, unhappiness, and torment.Love is always an act of revolt. A revolt against the universe.