Cupcake

Travis Benson was enjoying a stroll through a park last Friday after work. Blowing off steam, and looking forward to his weekend when he spotted something out of the ordinary. A man hugging a tree. It was a thin tree, and the man’s arms were around it completely. Crazy person, Travis thought. He kept walking. The park was unusually quiet that day.
“Sir!” A man’s voice.
The yell fell on his ears hard, he didn’t want to be bothered, but he looked toward the voice instinctually. It was the crazy man, still pressed tight against the tree.
“Sir! Come here for a second, you have got to try this!”
Aw man, “Sorry, not today, I’ve gotta get home.” That should get him off my back.
“But the parking lot is the other way, and this won’t take long, seriously, I’m not insane or anything, this is really spectacular.”
Dammit. Ah well, what could it hurt? He approached the man who had now stepped away from the tree. The man shook Travis’ hand and started talking.
“This tree is rather amazing.”
“Is that right?” He feigned interest.
“Absolutely, it’s incredible, if you listen hard enough you can hear it’s voice.”
What the hell is this guy on?
“Seriously, give it a shot!”
If it will get him to leave me alone, whatever. Travis stepped over to the tree and leaned close, as expected not a single sound was uttered. “I don’t hear anything.”
“You’re not doing it right, press your ear right up against its bark, and wrap your arms around it, I promise you can hear it talk.”
Well, he’d already gone this far he supposed. What the hell. Travis hugged the tree, closed his eyes and listened intently. Suddenly he felt cold metal slap his wrists. Hand cuffs.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!”
The man, chuckled a little and without a word he mugged the ever-loving shit out of poor Travis. The man stripped him of his clothing, and made off with everything.
Travis was left there, handcuffed to a tree, balls naked. It started to get dark and he hadn’t seen anybody pass by all day. His cries for help went unanswered until finally a man jogging by noticed him.
“What the hell happened here?” The man said in a gruff voice. He was built like a linebacker and looked as if he’d spent his share of time in handcuffs, if anyone could get him out of his predicament this guy could.
“Thank God you showed up, I’m freezing!” Travis told the man what had happened and he listened intently.
“Well,” he said in his burley voice after Travis’ story was finished, ”This just isn’t your day, is it… cupcake?”